A cup of coffee

Who knew a cup of coffee would change someone's day?

Photo credit: Hanny Naibaho on Unsplash

Sometimes the simplest yet thoughtful acts can make someone’s day brighter.

It was 5:45am when her alarm went off. She sighed and tried to grab her phone to click on the ‘stop’ button of the alarm.

She loves mornings, but not that early.

Instead of getting up, she decided to ‘rest her eyes’ until her alarm went off again at 6:00am.

After her second alarm went off, she decided to finally get up and start getting ready.

She wasn’t too keen to attend her 8:30am lecture but she somehow felt like she had to since it was her first week into the second semester. 

She washed her face, brushed her teeth and got dressed.

It was too early to have a proper breakfast so she had her usual tea with milk.

The sun was out by the time she left the house. She got to the train station and jumped on the train before it departed.

She sat on the seat near the window, headphones on and her sleepy eyes looking at the outdoor view from the window.

She received text messages from her friends in the group chat expressing how they don’t feel so great and aren’t so keen for the morning lecture.

They continued chatting and then she mentioned how eagerly she needs a coffee or she might just “fall asleep on the table.”

A few moments later, her friend Gemma replied, “Lids what type of coffee do you get?”

 “Cappuccino, usually”, she replied.

“What size? Any sugar?” asked Gemma.

In that moment, she realized her friend was getting her a warm coffee for her to drink when she arrived at university.

“You legend,” she replied, “small or medium and no sugar.”

“Too easy”, replied Gemma.

“Appreciate that”, she expressed her gratitude.

“You’re welcome”, affirmed Gemma.

“My day’s already been made, haha!” she expressed.

“You sound like you need the coffee before class haha”, replied Gemma.

She eventually arrived at her lecture and had her warm coffee that was awaiting with Gemma.

This whole scenario sounds normal, right? A friend bought another friend a cup of coffee, what is the big deal?

And that is the point.

It such a simple act yet so kind. A simple act yet so thoughtful. A simple act yet made someone else’s day better.

The coffee itself is not the big deal, the thought behind it is.

Even though every human being expresses love differently, what I am trying to get out of this is: sometimes we may take ‘simple acts’ for granted.

We may feel like we have to do more (and it can sometimes be more than a person can take) in order to get the sense of   'satisfaction' that it was 'thoughtful' enough. 

But maybe the most thoughtful thing isn't the most expensive, maybe it is saying 'hey I listened and I understand your situation.'

At the end of the day, we all seek to be understood.

. . . And sometimes a cup of coffee will do. 

Simple acts create a great impact.

Sidenote: If you don't love coffee, you can mentally replace the word coffee with the word of your favorite drink. And if you don't drink coffee at all . . . I can't relate, sorry.

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Sensitivity.

At some point in your life, you might have heard “don’t be too sensitive” or have told someone to stop being “too sensitive”.

Photo credit: Aaron Burden on Unsplash

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word ‘sensitive’ falls into five different categories:

1.    People: sensitivity (to something) the ability to understand other people’s feelings

2.    Art: the ability to understand art, music and literature and to express yourself through them

3.    Being easily upset: a tendency to be easily offended or upset by something

4.    Information/subject:  the fact of needing to be treated very carefully because it may offend or upset people

5.    Food/cold/light: the quality of reacting quickly or more than usual to something

In this post, the focus will be on the first definition which is people’s feelings. We all feel emotions but we express them differently.

In my personal view, there are two categories when it comes to people’s sensitivity. The first one is to be sensitive from and the second one is to be sensitive to.

To be sensitive from is usually when people are exposed to criticism or truthfulness on their behaviour, presentation, work and etc.

Some people find it difficult to grasp the criticism (or feedback) which then leads them into taking what the person had said in the form or ‘hatred’.

Basically, they feel personally attacked.

Every individual reacts differently to criticism. Some turn their defence mechanism on. Some nod in agreement but deep inside they want to cry. Some get angry and explode. And some take the criticism gracefully and use it to their advantage. The list could go on but those are just a few examples.

I think the reason why people feel personally attacked is due to the inability to separate who they are as a person and how they performed/behaved/worked.

The issue with is that it often leads people into sinking in their own guilt and shame. They belittle themselves, feel like they are not good or capable enough and may even get them to the verge of giving up.

Which goes back to being ‘too sensitive’ and not handling criticism positively. There are times where people also build walls or distance themselves to avoid any sort of confrontation or criticism. 

Moving on to the second category which is being sensitive to.

I consider myself a sensitive person. I am sensitive to my own feelings and thoughts as well as to people’s spoken and unspoken feelings and thoughts.

It all requires effort, strength and grace.

Honestly speaking, I do take overthinking too far sometimes. I am the type of person who likes to analyse everything in my head. Because I do not like confusion and it can leave my mind unsettled.

Being sensitive to means choosing to understand and show compassion to those around you.

It all comes from a heart that is willing to love, give and care deeply for other people.

It is about loving, giving, and caring for people even when they don’t necessarily love, give and care for in the same way.

There are moments in my life where I wish I had no feelings. Like there are days where I just want to remove them all and feel absolutely nothing! Because I like to think I will then be relieved and in peace.

There are times in my life were being sensitive to people's feelings often felt like a curse. I felt weak.  I felt emotionally messy. I felt broken. I felt like this is something I should get ‘rid of’. It just felt wrong. It was an ongoing battle within myself … and it does hurt sometimes. 

But let me tell you this:

I know sometimes your heart feels heavy … I know there are days where you got no strength left in you … I know there are days you cry your eyes out … I know there are days where you feel like nobody cares … I know there are days where you feel fragile … I know there are days where you feel messy because you experience a roller coaster of emotions … I know there are days where you give your all to someone in the midst of your own battle … I know there are days where you just want to cut every string of emotion that you feel … I know there are days where you don’t feel appreciated … I know there are days where you feel alone …. I know there are days where you ask yourself ‘why am I like this?’ … I know there are days you wonder why it hurts so much … I know there are days where you are tired.

You are not weak for experiencing those things. You are human. You are not weak, you are blessed to own a tender yet a strong heart like that. It takes strength to embrace the weight of someone else while carrying your own.

Love is powerful. Compassion is powerful. Being graceful is powerful. Forgiving is powerful.  Because all these things have the ability to bless, heal and change someone’s life.

Don’t quit making people feel loved and special. Bring the best out of them, applaud them, encourage them, hug them, ask about them, compliment them, and tell them they are going to be okay.

Because I have learned something important: I used to think people don’t deserve all the love I gave them because it often felt unappreciated or taken for granted. It felt like I was giving too much of myself for nothing.

And there was a period in my life where I thought to myself enough is enough. I slowly began turning into someone I am not. It didn’t feel right but I thought it was the ‘right’ choice.

I remember thinking, ‘stuff them all, they are not worth it.’

During that time, my best friend told me something that shook my ground. She said, ‘You are changing your entire character because of people. You are changing all these God-given traits in you that make you who you are, just because of a few people.”

In my own perspective, I didn’t see it as “changing my entire character”. To me, it was just not caring anymore. But I didn’t realize I was trying to get rid of the gifts God had blessed me with.

Who knows, you could be the only person who cares about the person you care about. Imagine if you never did … who would?

Last but not least, you deserve to be loved, cared for and appreciated the same way you make others feel. Take care of yourself. Surround yourself with people who cheer you on but also those who notify you when you get off track.

You can be soft and strong and you can also be strong but not soft.

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The art of listening

Photo credit: Harli Marten on Unsplash

There are two ways to any conversation: talking and listening. When one person speaks, the other one listens and vice versa.

Listening is a powerful act. It is simple yet requires time, patience and effort. The question is, are we listening to the people around us?

Listening is giving a platform to vulnerability.

When someone opens up to you about something they are going through, they trust you. And when you listen to them, you are telling them ‘I care about this, I care about you and you matter.’ Such a simple act yet a life-changing one.

People seek to be seen and heard.  We live in a world where every person is fighting their own battle. With fighting your own battle comes to pain, disappointment, challenges and downfalls. After a while, these burdens become heavy to carry along the journey. And if you continue the journey carrying them on your own, you will eventually collapse.

With experiencing pain and pressure, you experience a roller coaster of feelings and emotions: anger, frustration, sadness and discouragement. The more you remain silent about it, the more it will bottle up.

Bottling up feelings brings you to a rotting point. Imagine going to the shops and buying an avocado. You go back home and place it where you’d normally place your fruits and keep it there.

Now, every time you look at it, you tell yourself “I’ll eat it later”. This repeated pattern of "later" will result in a rotten avocado which will result in you not eating it anymore. When that happens, it's better to throw the avocado away than to keep it.  Because if you keep it, its bad smell will spread throughout the house. And when the bad smell spreads throughout the house, controlling the smell will take more effort than throwing the avocado away in the first place. 

This is a similar concept when it comes to our feelings. If we keep bottling up everything we feel for too long, these feelings become toxic. Toxic creates poison. And this poison will begin influencing other factors and thoughts in us negatively. 

Now to be clear here, I'm not talking about exploding in anger on someone.  I am talking about the stressful situations that lead you to a breaking point.

But you know what? This all goes back to listening.

There are two questions to this: First, do we have someone who is ‘our safe place’? (Someone we can be opened about our struggles and express how we feel knowing they genuinely care) ; Second, are we someone’s ‘safe place’?

Do we take the time to ask how the people around us how they're doing? Do we make the time to go out with a friend and listen to them? Do we put effort to initiate conversations with people? Because if we’re not, then what are we doing? I believe that effort is a choice. 

Most of us, if not all, want to change the world. But are we listening to the world? Because if we’re not listening to the silent cries of people in pain, how can we make a change in their lives?

Personally, I fall short in this. Sometimes I am too burnt out to put any effort into communication. Also, to make another point clear, you shouldn't feel guilty or 'bad' for taking time to recharge. It's necessary for your mind and soul. 

Moving on, you don't need to do hours of research on this. It is  as simple as asking ' how are you?', 'are you ok?', ' how have you been?', ' what are you up to?' and you can get as creative as you'd like with the questions. 

Remember, listening doesn’t magically solve people's struggles. But it's a helpful source to remove the weight off of them. It’s a process of healing  . . . where there is healing, there is a change. 

Finally, I want to leave you challenged by this final sentence: Are you listening? If not, start today.

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