The art of listening

Photo credit: Harli Marten on Unsplash

There are two ways to any conversation: talking and listening. When one person speaks, the other one listens and vice versa.

Listening is a powerful act. It is simple yet requires time, patience and effort. The question is, are we listening to the people around us?

Listening is giving a platform to vulnerability.

When someone opens up to you about something they are going through, they trust you. And when you listen to them, you are telling them ‘I care about this, I care about you and you matter.’ Such a simple act yet a life-changing one.

People seek to be seen and heard.  We live in a world where every person is fighting their own battle. With fighting your own battle comes to pain, disappointment, challenges and downfalls. After a while, these burdens become heavy to carry along the journey. And if you continue the journey carrying them on your own, you will eventually collapse.

With experiencing pain and pressure, you experience a roller coaster of feelings and emotions: anger, frustration, sadness and discouragement. The more you remain silent about it, the more it will bottle up.

Bottling up feelings brings you to a rotting point. Imagine going to the shops and buying an avocado. You go back home and place it where you’d normally place your fruits and keep it there.

Now, every time you look at it, you tell yourself “I’ll eat it later”. This repeated pattern of "later" will result in a rotten avocado which will result in you not eating it anymore. When that happens, it's better to throw the avocado away than to keep it.  Because if you keep it, its bad smell will spread throughout the house. And when the bad smell spreads throughout the house, controlling the smell will take more effort than throwing the avocado away in the first place. 

This is a similar concept when it comes to our feelings. If we keep bottling up everything we feel for too long, these feelings become toxic. Toxic creates poison. And this poison will begin influencing other factors and thoughts in us negatively. 

Now to be clear here, I'm not talking about exploding in anger on someone.  I am talking about the stressful situations that lead you to a breaking point.

But you know what? This all goes back to listening.

There are two questions to this: First, do we have someone who is ‘our safe place’? (Someone we can be opened about our struggles and express how we feel knowing they genuinely care) ; Second, are we someone’s ‘safe place’?

Do we take the time to ask how the people around us how they're doing? Do we make the time to go out with a friend and listen to them? Do we put effort to initiate conversations with people? Because if we’re not, then what are we doing? I believe that effort is a choice. 

Most of us, if not all, want to change the world. But are we listening to the world? Because if we’re not listening to the silent cries of people in pain, how can we make a change in their lives?

Personally, I fall short in this. Sometimes I am too burnt out to put any effort into communication. Also, to make another point clear, you shouldn't feel guilty or 'bad' for taking time to recharge. It's necessary for your mind and soul. 

Moving on, you don't need to do hours of research on this. It is  as simple as asking ' how are you?', 'are you ok?', ' how have you been?', ' what are you up to?' and you can get as creative as you'd like with the questions. 

Remember, listening doesn’t magically solve people's struggles. But it's a helpful source to remove the weight off of them. It’s a process of healing  . . . where there is healing, there is a change. 

Finally, I want to leave you challenged by this final sentence: Are you listening? If not, start today.

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