Photo credit: Icons8 Team on Unsplash.
Time is a crucial factor in life.
Often, we're waiting for the right moment to do or say something.
We've read, heard and said the phrase 'when the time is right.'
I think that the right time is associated with wisdom. We wait for the right time because we don't want to act foolishly.
On December 31st, 2019, when the clock struck 12:00AM, it felt like another minute pass.
Normally, I’d get excited. But not this time.
All I craved was for the new years to be over and head home.
Depression had stolen all my joy, hope and peace. All the colors had faded and I viewed everything in black and white.
Australian Artists, Sia, writes in her song ‘Birds Set Free‘,
”There’s a scream inside that we all try to hide
We hold on so tight, we cannot deny
It eats us alive, oh it eats us alive . . . ”
These are some powerful words. They describe exactly how I felt going back home after new years.
Crying out to God for help. My life was so fragile and I didn’t seem to have strength left to keep it together.
I contemplated my life purpose and I was so close to ending it.
I have shared about 2019 in different blogs such as To belong, It’s time to move on and The importance of finishing a chapter at a time.
It was an exhausting year. But I had some good days, too.
With the support of professionals, friends and prayers, my life literally turned around the next day. I don’t know what happened in the 24 hours, but something did.
I woke up in the morning feeling light as a feather. Hope came knocking and peace decided to stay.
I later found out a friend had prayed for me on new years night. (You know who you are)
I don’t know what it feels like to be physically dead and brought back to life, but that’s exactly how I felt.
On January 1, 2020, I woke up and the first thing I did was open up my journal. I sat in our living room and wrote down everything that God spoke to me.
I ended up writing five pages!
Honestly, it had been a while since I’d listened to God’s voice. But at that moment, it felt like he was sitting right next to me and gently whispering in my ear.
I wrote every word with conviction and faith. Regardless of how fragile my faith was at that point.
It’s a broken glass in which the light shines through, right?
Since it’s a five-page conversation and is personal, I will share one of the things He encouraged me with.
God’s language is compassion.
Every year, God gives me a new promise or a theme.
This year was time.
Usually, it’s a phrase so I was a bit surprised He left it at one word this year.
He spoke to me from Ecclesiastes 3:11, written by King Solomon, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
And then . . . pandemic happened.
To be completely honest, I lost sight of God’s promise now and then. My rational self was like um this doesn’t make sense.
There is no doubt that 2020 has been a wild year. I mean where do I even begin? Exactly, I won’t.
When will this be over? Is a common phrase heard, read and said globally. Especially during the lockdown.
Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s actually fascinating. I say that because He gave me a one-word promise associated with time. And this year, time became a huge concern to many - including myself.
There were times where I told God, “Hey, I thought we were going on different (spiritual and physical) adventures this year. But I’ve been isolated at home for months. I thought new opportunities would come up? I thought of new friendships? I thought . . . I thought..”
So what happened? My adventures involve my room, kitchen, bathroom and confetti of uni stress.
It’s funny because I thought about the physical aspects of life, but all this time God had been working in my heart.
And I was only able to recognise it later. I noticed a shift in my perspective on certain things.
I don’t know about you, but what I’ve learned is that before God gives us the physical thing, he gives us the emotional and spiritual first. He does that to prepare us for what He’s prepared for us. Because He knows what’s up.
Despite the challenges 2020 brought, God always came through on time.
As I was reflecting on 2020 not a while ago, I was hit by a wave of his goodness and mercy. I thanked him for all he’d blessed me with in the past few months.
And for a moment, I felt as though He was grabbing my hand, walking me behind the scenes and showing me how he’d been working things out for my good.
Like connecting the dots kinda thing. He knows I'm an analytical person.
Throughout isolation and disconnection, I thought God’s promise had evaporated. I second-guessed myself and wondered if I’d heard God’s voice clearly or if I made it up.
One of my favorite worship songs is 'Highlands' by Hillsong Worship.
There is a verse that gets me every single time,
“And O how fast would You come running
If just to shadow me through the night
Trace my steps through all my failure
And walk me out the other side”
In a devotional I once read, the author wrote, “There is power in being obedient in God’s timely instructions to us.”