I thought my insecurities would vapour

“The fastest way to kill something special is to compare it to something else.”

Photo credit: Volkan Olmez from Unsplash

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As a young girl, I carried insecurities and failures.

I thought all my self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness will somehow fade away in my adulthood.

But little did I know I'd fight my insecurities in a bigger battlefield. A little more dangerous.

We all are insecure about certain things. And we deal with them differently. Some may even avoid dealing with them.

As an adult, I realised that no matter how confident a person is, how confident a person stands or a person speaks, insecurities will cripple in. They always manage to find a way.

In my life, insecurities are disguised as lies.

Lies that make me question my value, identity and strength.

Considering the natural over-thinker I am, I can spend a long time dwelling on those lies. Unaware of how they gradually intoxicate my thoughts.

As a 13-year-old, I thought it’s a matter of age. As a 13-year-old, I thought I’m not strong or mature enough to overcome it. As a 13-year-old, I thought it’s a phase of life and it will eventually cease.

But no, I still do . . . and perhaps you do too.

Now that we’re older, we’re better at hiding it. We’re better at covering it up.

But why do we bruise ourselves like that?

For a long time, I was in denial that I felt insecure. I mean how I dare feel insecure - I’m not that type of person!

About a year or two ago, I noticed I became oblivious to my insecurities. I knew I felt some type of way, but I just ignored it.

I would tell myself: you are a confident woman, and you shouldn’t be feeling insecure. How can you become a role model for the younger girls? How can you act confident when you allow yourself to dwell in your insecurities?

It wasn’t just a matter of feeling insecure. But I began to feel guilty for feeling that way.

Why do I feel insecure?

I knew my identity came from God. I knew my value and worth are found in Him alone. I knew I’m wonderfully and fearfully made. I knew this truth and I believed in it. But I struggled to carry it on my bad days.

But isn’t it funny how we let go of the truth when we need it the most?

Maybe it’s because the lies begin to sound convincing that the truth – which I believe in – seems to contradict it.

We begin to embrace the lies and we question the truth.

I don’t know about you, but here is a brief scene between Lies and Truth that occurs in my head:

Lies: Hey, just a reminder that you’re not good enough.

Truth: That’s not true. What makes you say that?

Lies: I just think you’re not good enough. Or capable of achieving great things. Should we take a look at your shortcomings?

Truth: We could also take a look at the gifts, skills and strengths.

Lies: You do realise there are about eight billion people in this world who can do your job. Maybe even better than you do it. What makes you think you are so special?

Truth: Because I was made special and for a purpose. Just stop.

Lies: Stop it? Is it because I’ve begun to sound convincing to you?

Self: Why did I believe Truth all this time? Did I really think I was so special – made for a purpose, on purpose?

Lies: That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to explain to you! But you kept believing Truth.

Truth: But . . .

Self: I've been fooled by Truth.

See how it escalates? And the power we give Lies?

Maybe you thought it was cliche. Maybe because you're familiar with this scenario.

I realized I gave so much power to the wrong source. I became more aware as I got older.

I still fall for the lies . . . sometimes. But now I recognize them from a distance.

I recently listened to a message about women and it was my wake-up call. It opened my eyes to how insecure I've been feeling. It helped me understand why my perspective towards things changed.

Sometimes insecurity sneaks in and walks around in our heads - silently creating damage.

Recently, I've been subconsciously putting myself down. I didn't speak negatively over my life but I was continuously lured by comparison.

And if I’m completely honest, I sometimes feel insecure about my mental health. There are days where I feel like it disqualifies me. I know it’s not true but it still hurts.

Mental health is a condition, not my identity. But I have moments where I feel so disempowered.

But you know the Enemy loves it. he loves it when we focus on our weaknesses. When we belittle ourselves. When we disregard the Truth.

He loves whispering lies to us. He loves it when we begin to question our calling and purpose. Because he knows when we live out the truth, we become influential. He knows we'll let our light shine in the darkness. And he doesn't want that.

I like the way my best friend Grace put it.

“You are seen as a threat," she said, " If you didn’t have that confidence, the devil wouldn’t even attack you.”

I've taught myself to speak truth over my life even when I don't 'feel like it.' And let me tell you, some days it’s just hard to do!

When those lies come knocking, I kick them out. And trust me, so can you!

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I wish you would ask . . .

You love your friend, and you desperately want to help them. You know they need it. All you want to do is show them that love. But, for whatever reason, they haven’t asked for help.

Photo credit: Volodymyr Hryshchenk from Unsplash.

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Have you ever had a friend who you knew was struggling in some way? You could just see it on their face . . . you could hear it in the tone of their voice. Maybe they lost a loved one or ended a relationship. Or, maybe they haven’t been acting themselves lately; maybe you haven’t seen them around as much, maybe you’ve started to hear some conflicting reports from other friends. You know something is wrong.

So, what do you do? Like anyone else who genuinely cares about someone you go up to that friend and say 'hey - you know I love you. Are you doing ok? If you need to talk, you know I’m right here, anytime - just pick up the phone and we can chat - day or night, you know I’m here for you. If there’s anything at all I can do to help, please let me know! I really mean that, please don’t hesitate to ask.'

And how do they respond? Nine times out of 10 they will say: ‘hey thanks – I really appreciate that. If I need anything, I’ll let you know.’

Except, here’s what they’re thinking: ‘That was nice of my friend. But they don’t understand . . . how could they understand? And what if they find out then judge me? What If they realise I don’t match up to the image they have of me? What if they see that I’m a hypocrite? What if they see how weak I am? What if they see how broken I am? What if they realise how desperate I am? What if they leave me? I’d consider leaving me. And If I don’t even want to see myself in the mirror, why would anyone else want to see me? Better not to burden them. Better to avoid the hassle. Better to just smile and say 'thank you, it’s sweet of you to offer - but I’m fine. I’ll figure it out anyway, and I’m sure I’ll get through it eventually. I’ll find the strength somewhere . . . it’ll be ok.'

Except, being on the outside, you and I know it’s not okay, and it won’t magically fix itself.

Tell me this - if your friend could actually bring themselves to say those things out loud to you; if they could ever openly share those insecurities with you . . . how would you respond?

In fact, don’t you just wish that they would tell you what they’re thinking - what’s holding them back? Because you’d jump at the opportunity to show them how much you love them; to reassure them, to give them a hug, to show them how much they matter to God and to you! Your deepest desire is to see them come out on the other side of this happy, healthy and with a testimony to tell.

So . . . what if, hypothetically, they could muster up the courage and bring themselves to open up to you?

They might say something like: 'I really messed up this time - you have no idea' and you might say 'That’s ok! God loves you and I love you, I’m not going to judge you – we’re all messed up, but keeping it in the dark never helps!'

They might say 'if you hear this, I don’t think we’d stay friends' and you’d say 'what makes you think that? This is what friends are for! What’s the point of only going through the good together if we can’t be there for each other in the struggle? Those are the most meaningful moments of our lives . . . that’s what a real friendship is!'

They’d say 'you can’t help me. This is something I have to do alone - nobody else even gets it. No one knows how I really feel’. And you might say 'try me. You never know. And at the very least you’ll have gotten it off your chest and you’ll take comfort in the fact that someone else knows what you’re going through. Tell me about it - help me to understand.'

Now, let me ask you this: did you mean what you said to your friend just there? How much did you mean it? Do you really love them enough to want to stick around? Would you think of judging them when they opened up to you? Or are you just waiting for the chance to be there for them to support them and show them how much you love them - how much God loves them.

One last question – and please listen close:

If any of that is true of how you would treat your friend . . . why wouldn’t it be true of how your friends would treat you?

See, now the shoe is on the other foot. It’s really you who needs the help. It’s really you struggling with those insecurities, it’s really you pushing everyone else away. I know, you smile and you manage to laugh it off, and to most of the world, you look just fine. But it’s killing you – it’s killing you on the inside. I’ve been there.

And now, in the midst of all that, here comes your friend - that loyal, loving, caring, genuine, godly friend, and they say to you: 'hey - you know I love you. Are you doing ok? If you need to talk, I’m right here, anytime - just pick up the phone and we can chat - day or night, you know I’m here for you. If there’s anything at all I can do to help you, please let me know! I really mean that, please don’t hesitate to ask.'

If you’re reading this please know that God loves you deeply and desires you to find rest in Him. Know that He has also placed others in your life to reflect His love to you in moments like these. You are not alone.

So, today - how will you choose to respond?

Written by Shady Gendy.

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“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” - Proverbs 17:17

Social media vs social life - PART 2

Photo credit: Visuals on Unsplash

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Q: In part one we talked about the pros and cons of social media. But now that things have changed, has your opinion on the pros and cons of social media changed too?

A: I’m keen to be sharing with you again. For those tuning in, this is part two, please read part one for some context. In part one, I shared my views on the pros and cons of social media. I shared that it was good that I can see family and friends overseas. But now in this isolation hell, it applies for family and friends here too.

My views are still the same and in fact, it is even worse. We have so much more time to ourselves and it’s dangerous. Or for me at least. I shared with you a couple of weeks back a little post titled Get Out of Your Head. I think that post was targeted more for myself. I catch myself trapped in my head a lot of the time and my insecurities soar up like no tomorrow.

I am, however, thankful for the technology we have now, that I can still see my friends and have some sort of social interaction.

Q: In part one, you said, “I think social media has made us socially awkward in human interaction.” How do you think we’re going to socially adjust after this isolation is over?

A: I think that depends on how people react. Will we be so accustomed to staying home and become lazy and not care. Or are we raring to go out and have fellowship with one another again. I can tell you, I can’t wait for this to be over.

Do you feel the same?

Q: Being a 100% extraverted person, how has this self-isolation impacted you?

A: I’m struggling to be honest. It’s not just because I am 100% extraverted but because my love language is quality time (I second hand this – Lydia). I need to spend quality time as well with people, whether that’s going out for dinner, lunch or having a coffee.

However, I have Zoom and I have Teams and whatever other platforms of socially interacting, which has been there in times of need.

Isolation taught me that life is not meant to be done alone.

But see, I already knew that but I don’t think I really understood it till now.

Q. In these circumstances, do you think social media platforms offer the same ‘quality’ connection as social interactions do?

A: Not a chance that a screen can provide that same quality and connections as real-life interaction. However, I’m glad that we live in a time that can provide this technology for us.

Q: A word of encouragement?

A: Word of encouragement is to take it as it comes. Get in touch with your friends and family. Have some sort of social interaction and do life as you would just over Zoom.

My favourite verse is in Matthew 6:34 says, “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Depend on God, He will take care of the rest.

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Just checking in: how are you feeling? I hope you have been taking care of yourself and others.

#Socialmedia #sociallife #selfisolation