I decided to put my reality glasses on

And what changed?

Photo credit: Nick Hillier from Unspsplash.

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A year ago today I published a blog called "I feel nostalgic" and a year later I feel the complete opposite. So I decided to write a new blog on how I feel currently and do a little comparison and reflection.

I remember this day vividly, it was late at night, and I was sitting in my room feeling melancholy. Nostalgia weighed my heart down, loneliness made itself home in my heart, and brokenness chose not to pick up the pieces. I felt like a part of who I am was missing.

I remember looking through my old photos and I suddenly felt a heavy weight fall on my chest. I wasn’t strong enough to hold the weight. My tears had no way out but to fall down my face.

I wasn’t so much in my ‘present’, I was reminiscing on the ‘good old days’. I desperately wanted to relive the good old days.

A year later, I am in a different state of mind. I am practising to be present in the moment. In fact, I haven’t felt nostalgic since we entered 2020, and I am glad.

Nostalgia normally arrives in places, in smelling scents, in cozy weather, or in music to meet up with you. A good way to avoid deep or intense nostalgia is to not allow yourself to live in your head for too long. To remember is sweet, but let it be a short visit.

Honestly, I feel like a part of me grew out of the ‘good old days’ — about time aye.

I’ll always remember the special, happy moments but I no longer feel the need to be ‘emotional’ about them. They had an impact on me back then, and I’ll always remember how I felt, but it will no longer have an impact on me now.

I have spent so much time in my head which prevented me from enjoying the moment I was in. And this is something I want to be practising in 2020. I want to be alive in the moment whether it’s good or bad.

Now I am not saying we should never escape our reality, remember the past or feel sentimental. Of course, we will.

But to make these moments/feels our shelter is what I don’t encourage you to do. Feel what you have to feel, but don’t dwell on it.

It happened, it was great, but it’s gone now. Let’s enjoy the moment we’re in.

And there have been many moments where I didn’t fully enjoy the moment because I was so invested in my head reminiscing on the past. And it only made me feel worse. Because I didn’t enjoy the present moment and I couldn’t relive the past.

As a start of this new decade, I chose to remain connected with the people I socialise with, admire the places I go to, and appreciate a song without having it drag me down into the feels.

Few things have changed in me which I am grateful for. I feel better, healthier (mentally), and stronger (emotionally).

Now I’m more in sync with reality and I think that’s important.

I want to honour my present and to honour the people. I don’t want to be ‘mentally somewhere else’.

I’ll still dream and wander in my imagination, but I won’t put expectations or timeframes on myself, my future or other people.

Be present.

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